I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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