when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found puke in my bra..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
