I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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