you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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