Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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