He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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