i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
