sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
