Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i have two assholes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
