one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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