I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
