so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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