last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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