dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
