Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
