Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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