My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
