Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize