The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
