I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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