Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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