Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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