Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize