come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
