oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
