Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
