Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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