why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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