I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So apparently I’m into choking now
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