Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
