My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
