Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
