Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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