That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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