I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
