watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
