you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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