sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your cock deserves a montage
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize