I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
