and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
