idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
