It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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