Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
