you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize