You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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