Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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