You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
