bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
