Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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