When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
