Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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