That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
