i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
