smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
