How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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