I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
