my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
