Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
