She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
