How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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