I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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