Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize