well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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