i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
