im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
