thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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