Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
