how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
