Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
