He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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