we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
