Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
