I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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