i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
