mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
