I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
