Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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