After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
