pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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