you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
