he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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