he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
