I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
