You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
